


i know that there's others that deserve you (but my darlin', i am still in love with you)

by mischiefmanaged95



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adorable Steve Rogers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Ed Sheeran Song, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Crying Steve, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Endearments, Eventual Happy Ending, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Light Dom/sub, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Pet Names, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Protective Bucky Barnes, Protectiveness, Recovered Memories, Sad with a Happy Ending, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve and Bucky Get Back Together, Steve and Thor Break Up, no actual smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 17:12:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12017337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mischiefmanaged95/pseuds/mischiefmanaged95
Summary: Glass shattered of the ground as he fought to find a cup.Instead, he just kicked away the broken shards and pressed the bitter lid of the bottle to his mouth, downing the vodka in one go. He could hear them, laughing, pressed up against each other. Thor’s hands on Steve’s hips. Thor’s lips on Steve’s neck. The blush on Steve’s cheeks.He shook his head. It was too much. He fell asleep that night with wet cheeks, bloody knuckles and broken pieces of glass still on his kitchen floor.___Angst with a happy ending.





	i know that there's others that deserve you (but my darlin', i am still in love with you)

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired by Ed Sheeran's song Happier. Sorry in advance for the feels! 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own no one. Any mistakes are my own.

_“Walking down 29th and Park, I saw you in another's arms. Only a month we've been apart, you look happier. Saw you walk inside a bar, he said something to make you laugh. I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours, yeah, you look happier, you do.”_

It felt like a punch to the gut. Like someone had shoved their hands inside his chest and ripped out his heart. It felt like his worst nightmares come back to haunt him. It felt like falling and disappearing into a black void where no one could hear him screaming. It felt like he was dying all over again.

Tears clouded his vision before he could stop them and he stumbled away from the Avengers longue, retreating back to his floor. He hit the floorboards of his room as soon as he was inside. The images flashed in his mind’s eye and the heartbroken sob that left his throat was almost too painful to part with. His hands found the alcohol bottle next.

Glass shattered of the ground as he fought to find a cup. Instead, he just kicked away the broken shards and pressed the bitter lid of the bottle to his mouth, downing the vodka in one go. He could hear them, laughing, pressed up against each other. Thor’s hands on Steve’s hips. Thor’s lips on Steve’s neck. The blush on Steve’s cheeks.

He shook his head. It was too much. He fell asleep that night with wet cheeks, bloody knuckles and broken pieces of glass still on his kitchen floor.

*

_“Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you. But ain't nobody need you like I do, I know that there's others that deserve you, but my darling I am still in love with you.”_

He was trying. He was trying to be happy for Steve. But how do you do that when the love of your life had moved on? He looked happy, Steve that is. Always smiling. The weight lifted from his shoulders. He laughed more. His golden mop of hair mused, lips bright, cheeks flushed.

He looked like he had when it was Bucky holding his hand in that ratty apartment of theirs as they danced to _You Are My Sunshine_ playing on Sarah’s record player. But that had been over seventy years ago and Steve had moved on. Bucky couldn’t stop him. Couldn’t be angry at him. How could he?

He knew this day would come.

He just thought it wouldn’t have been so soon. Heck, he hoped, that they would start up what they had back in the forties. But that love had died with ice and snow. It was buried now, under memories and screams and time that he would never get back.

*

_“Cause baby you look happier, you do. My friends told me one day I'll feel it too, and until then I'll smile to hide the truth. But I know I was happier with you.”_

Bucky liked Sam. He did. He appreciated everything he had done for Steve while he was away. But sometimes, when Sam was right, Bucky wanted to punch him in his perfect teeth, as Tony had once said to Steve. Bucky still hadn’t forgiven him for that.

“He’s happy,” Sam said over his beer at the bar he had found Bucky at. “I’m sorry man. But Thor makes him happy. He’s…I’ve never seen him so alive.”

That stung. Cut him right to his heart.

“Aside from when he found you,” Sam tried to remedy. But the damage had been done. Bucky’s demons had latched onto Sam’s words, even if he hadn’t meant them.

“Sure about that?” Bucky asked, chugging down more of the whiskey in his glass. “Seems to be so happy. Better than I could ever make him.”

“Don’t say that. You know that’s not true,” Sam chided, “he loves you Bucky. He does. But…I don’t know why, he’s with Thor. And Thor’s good to him. He is.”

“Yeah, I’m seein’ that,” Bucky scoffed, knocking back the rest of his drink before slamming the glass down a little too hard, so that it smashed. He left down extra dollars to pay for the cup on his way out.

*

_“I knew one day you'd fall for someone new. But if he breaks your heart like lovers do, just know that I'll be waiting here for you.”_

The knock came at three in the morning. Bucky groaned and got out of bed, stumbling to get the door, ranting as he did so, “Tony, I swear to God, if the world ain’t on fire and you’re callin’ me about one of your toys, I will kill you with me bare –

Bucky opened the door to find Steve standing there.

“Stevie?”

Steve’s bottom lip was trembling and then he fell forwards into Bucky’s arms and let out a heartbroken sob into Bucky’s neck. Worried, Bucky wrapped his arms around the blond and helped him to the sofa. He closed the apartment door and sat down beside him, holding him close.

“Stevie, what’s wrong?” Bucky asked. Trying to keep the growl out from his voice. He couldn’t help it, it was protective over Steve. Always had been.

Steve sniffed and babbled into his hands, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry Buck.”

“Hey, hey, what you sorry for?” Bucky asked, pulling him closer.

Every fibre in his being was screaming at him to kiss Steve but he knew it would be wrong. He couldn’t do that to Steve, not when he was like this. Not ever, if Steve didn’t want it. Bucky always put Steve’s needs before his own and could never overstep the boundaries that had been silently put in place when Steve started seeing Thor.

“I thought, I thought I could do this,” Steve cried, his voice broke half way through his sentence. “Thor broke it off w-with me. S-said he couldn’t be with someone who’s heart was a-already taken by someone else.”

“Oh, Stevie,” Bucky crooned, “I’m so sorry. Do you want me to talk to him for you? Straighten things out? I’m sure he didn’t mean it.”

His heart was screaming at him not to. He couldn’t bear the thought of Steve with someone else but he couldn’t act selfishly. If Steve no longer felt the same then Bucky would have to deal with that.

“N-no, he’s right,” Steve whispered, “he’s right. I-I tried to forget about…I tried to be with him. He was always so kind and gentle. But…I knew that deep down it wasn’t real. Especially when you came back, I realised that…that, I’ll always be in love with –

“Steve –

“No, I need to say this. I never told you how I felt when we got you back. I know in the forties you knew and that was then. I thought things would be different with you now. That you wouldn’t want me. Thor was there for me. But he could never replace you,” Steve said softly, wiping his eyes. “I’ve always loved you. Even when I didn’t know what love was.”

“Steve, don’t say things you don’t mean. You’re upset, things aren’t clear right now –

“Goddamn it, Bucky!” Steve shouted, eyes defiant even though his chin was wobbling and he looked like he was about to shake apart. “I am thinkin’ clearly. _I am._ I don’t expect anythin’ from you. I’m sorry for dumpin’ this on you. I shouldn’t have come here. I shouldn’t have said anythin’.”

“No, Steve don’t say that –

“Forget it,” Steve stood and turned away, “I knew this was a mistake. Natasha warned me not to bring this up. To leave us as we were. She said it wasn’t good for your mental state. I should’ve listened. Whatever, now you know. I should leave.”

“Steven Grant Rogers, don’t you dare!” Bucky growled, just as Steve was about to leave the apartment. Steve froze at the door but didn’t turn around. “Look at me.” Steve didn’t. “ _I said, look at me_.” It was the voice he used all those years ago when they were together. The one that made Steve’s belly quiver with need. He turned hesitantly, eyes averted.

“What’s it gonna take for you to understand that I’ll always love you?” Bucky said, crowding Steve against the door, “what’s it gonna take for you to get that I’m never leavin’, that I’m not some fragile piece of glass you need to walk on eggs around? What’s it gonna take for you to listen to me when I say that you’re the only thing I wake up for in the mornin’? The only person that I’ll ever love.”

Steve shook his head, tears blurring his eyes, “I tried to move on though, tried to be with –

“Stevie, that’s normal. I wasn’t here for a long time. You’re human, you’re allowed to move on,” Bucky said gently, wrapping his arms around Steve, letting him melt into his embrace. “Heck, remember when I was a jerk back in the forties had went on all those dates, trying to pretend to be somethin’ I wasn’t? You were still there for me until I sorted myself out.”

“Do you still want to be with me?” Steve asked, voice broken against Bucky’s neck. “Do you still…do you still – ?”

“Of course, I do,” Bucky cooed, “of course I do, sweetheart.”

Steve sniffed and cried into Bucky’s neck and Bucky let him, holding him tightly until Steve grew sleepy. He then lay Steve down and when Bucky tried to set up camp on the floor, Steve whimpered and clung on tighter to Bucky.

“No, stay, please.”

Bucky smiled and climbed into bed with Steve, wrapping him up tightly in blankets and his arms. “I’ll always stay for you, baby.”

Steve shook his head, “I don’t deserve you.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s my line, Stevie.”

“I love you,” Steve whispered, face pressed against Bucky’s chest. “I do, I really do.”

“I love you too,” Bucky kissed his forehead. Things were unclear at the moment and they’d have to take it slow. It would be a long road, but they would work it out.

They always did.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, again, my lovelies :(


End file.
